Verbal Diarrhea

Well, that got your attention now didn't it? Don't worry though! This isn't one of those cases where we put something shocking in the title to suck you in, and the completely let you down by speaking about something completely irrelevant. No no, verbal diarrhea is just as harmful, and painful in the after effects as normal diarrhea. How do I know? Well, let's just say that I have suffered from, at times, uncontrollable verbal diarrhea. Now, being pregnant has certainly made controlling this 10 times more difficult. For a while, I was working on becoming this great person who agreed with people, and kept my opinion to myself. But, if you know me, you would know that this is not as easy for me as it is for the average, rational-minded individual. Namely because I am not rational-minded, at all. In fact, put me on a scale of rational to irrational, and I can guarantee that I am tipping of the very end of irrational, ready to drop right off into the pool of completely and utterly irrational. Okay, now that you get the picture, I don't usually think before I speak, I don't have a censor button. Let's combine that with the hormones that woman must deal with during pregnancy. Never mind that woman I mentioned in my prior post, who glows and is happy all the time. That woman DOES NOT EXIST. If she does, I am going to send a letter in on her behalf for an Academy Award, because she must be a damn good actress. Okay Candace, focus! Getting back to my initial point, (I swear there is one) I  was so proud of myself for making a tremendous effort to keep my opinions to myself on a daily basis as of late. But then, one day, my brain decided it just couldn't take it anymore. My head was about to burst with all of these thoughts that I hadn't said out loud, but still kept thinking silently to myself. So, guess what happened?! You guessed it! Verbal diarrhea, my friends. Messy, gushing, jumbled up, sometimes hurtful words, all coming out of my mouth. The worst part? I'm the type of person that feels that once I open the floodgates, the damage has already been done, and it can't get any better, so I might as well let it get worse, so I just let it all fly. Now, let's not mistake, I am a kind and loving person, and I do have feelings. In fact, the problem is that I feel too much. So when all is said and done, we come to the after effects. Now, I don't need to describe the after effects of diarrhea to anyone. But, you can imagine that the verbal stuff hits in a way that is comparable to this. Basically, I cry, feel remorseful, and then lately, my hormones kick in and I feel resentment towards whoever I lashed out on, because in my mind they probably deserved some of this, but maybe not in such a harsh manner. So, here I am, sitting alone crying to myself, and then consoling myself over the whole situation. Then, I have to decide, do I pull the pregnancy card out on this one? Or do I just chalk it up to pure, and predictable Candace behaviour? Sometimes, I don't say anything at all, except I'm sorry. But, if I'm feeling energetic, I may go back in for what could be a round two, by defending my actions as a part of a mood swing I had, directly related to my pregnancy. Now, with the right person, this defense will hold, and they will accept that and move on. BUT, if I approach the wrong person, or if the situation was on the more intense side (picture my throwing spoons and forks around the kitchen), then it may take more than a pregnancy defense. I may actually have to convince that person that it wasn't me, they were just really tired, and dreamed the entire scenario up in their head. Now, keep in mind that the last part doesn't really look. But if you're lucky, they may look at you with a very puzzled look. In this case, I strongly urge you to give them your best desperate, and innocent smile, at which time you tell them you're going to lay down because you're feeling tired. Usually, by the time you wake up, things will have blown over. If they haven't, I strongly urge you to, AVOID AVOID AVOID. Eventually, they will begin to think that maybe you are just too embarrassed to deal with your actions, and they may let you have a pass. After having said all of this, I feel like I dedicate this to my loving, wonderful fiancé. He has been through such an emotional Candace roller coaster over the past 4 months, I feel like deserves some sort of prize. But then, after thinking about it, I realized that he is getting a prize. The best prize he could ever have. At the end of all of the emotion, tears, pain, diarrhea, and hysteria, he will get to hold his little one in his arms for the first time. Something tells me that in that moment, he may just forgive me for it all. :)